The Impossible Burger

The burger had a nice, almost beguiling texture for the first few bites, as though the patty had a good sear to it. But as it got colder, the taste of the patty left an aftertaste that betrayed its origins. The sauce on the burger was tasty enough, but it wasn't enough to get me over the hurdle of the patty's aftertaste. Fries were passable! They very reluctantly sat all 13 of us at one table, leaving one guest standing for the first 20 minutes. Andrew's tardiness and the fact that he has removed the Andrew as a Person official rating? I'll be generous and give him a 3 for today.

What I have found today is merely an approximation of the truth that, while admirable in it's striving, is nevertheless nothing more than a filthy lie. A sham, a fake, a phony.

But enough about Andrew. Let me rate this burger:

At first bite, around the edge, I must admit this burger had the right feel. But as I went through it, the "burger" itself faded further and further, overwhelmed by toppings that I think may have been there to mask the fact that it ultimately remains just a veggie burger.

I respect the science and hope they keep at it, but for now I'll stick to the real deal.

I guess if I was drunk I might mistake it for a terrible burger.

Despite being late, Andrew looked lovely and was surprisingly easy to be around.

An admirable effort to emulate meat with vegetable. The taste, especially when cooled slightly and unadorned with sauce, is not beef like. Texture is close. Blood is strange. Saam sauce is delicious, especially when mixed with ketchup. The value isn't bad, given the engineering effort involved it's creation.

Andrew, like the burger, was a disappointing pile of emulated meat. Late, wearing two sweaters and talking about the lame-stream media bias, today he's a pitiful excuse of a man. 1.2/10. He's not even wearing a watch.

This was a weird Burger experience. Each bite was more interesting (and worse) than the last. After this burger, I need a palette cleanser and a hug. Vegan mayo should be banned.

The fries, with their McDonalds-esque flavor, were the best part, as was the American flag toothpick.

Even worst than the burger's performance was Andrew's. Wooooh boy. This guy! Emailing us at 8 am to get to the restaurant early but he himself showed up late. He also tried to bribe us for a better rating. This is Trump's America, I suppose. We can't trust our leaders. Rating for Andrew 1.8 (points for the cardigan, a saving grace.)

One giant step for science. One mediocre effort as an actual burger. The bleeding patty was impressive and didn't taste too bad on its own, but at the end of the day it was a slightly above average fast food burger with tasty sauce.

Andrew was late 3/10.

As impressive as it is that someone was able to closely replicate the texture of actual beef, I still ask myself.. "why"
All this science for a not so good (fake) burger with a funky aftertaste with too much secret sauce . Applying science to seedless watermelon or shrimp that run on treadmills is something I can get behind...you just can't beat the beef!
(I like the 'merican flag toothpick... I'm keeping it). I'm convinced the fries were stolen from McDonald's.
Andrew hasn't talked to me the whole time, he won't answer my texts, I think there's something going on between him and Haden...)
This is harsh, but then again, I didn't have a drink.

As I sit at the top of the food chain, it feels wasteful of my power in the animal kingdom to forego eating meat. I was hoping the impossible veggie burger would not disappoint but, alas, it did.
Pros: patriotic, yummy fries, decent tunes, finally being able to attend burger club, ssam sauce
Cons: creepy bleed, saltiness, aftertaste, having to beg for stools for entire party

As a burger, this is one of my least favorites. I wasn't a fan of the sauce and didn't think the burger was harmonious. The burger patty itself was interesting and a cool scientific feat, but very much a novelty. I'd rather have a good veggie burger or a regular burger than this hybrid.

I think they were going for a mcdonalds burger and they did that pretty well. But, I did not enjoy the bites of the burger. The fries were great.

Andrew takes a big hit for being late despite reminding everyone to be on time, which I do have to say gave me a lot of joy. And he is wearing two sweaters. Wtf. Also noticed that he didn't wear a watch today, though he was late last week while wearing one. So apparently the constant is that he doesn't respect his friends.

BUT, then he came over to talk to us and he just seemed so...sad. Just so sad. Since it's the holidays, I'll give andrew a 2/10 because I know how hard he works. In my book, he peaks at 20% so that's a compliment.